Supporting Trans Loved Ones During Hard Times

It’s been a heavy week for many of us, and uniquely heavy for those of us who are queer and especially trans. I’ve sat with several trans and non-binary clients this week, and while I try not to generalize an entire group of people, the truth is: we are scared. And many of us are feeling alone.

Most of my trans clients, along with people in online communities I’m part of, have shared that not many of their cisgender friends or family members have not reached out to check on them or to acknowledge what is happening to us right now. Others have shared that people have reached out but in ways that felt off-putting. I’ve also had cisgender clients express that they aren’t sure if it would be welcomed or appropriate to reach out to trans people in their lives. So, here’s what I would offer:

Let us know you are thinking of us, that you’re concerned about what’s happening, and that you’re here if we need it. But don’t ask us to process our feelings about it with you—unless we explicitly invite you to do so. Many of us don’t want to process what’s happening with others outside of the community, but we do want to know that you care.

Another powerful way to show support is to let us know how you’re standing up for us. When you hear someone—whether it’s a coworker, a family member, or a friend—say something ignorant, hateful, or harmful about trans or queer people, interrupt it. Then, openly share how you did so. Modeling that kind of courage gives other permission to do so and these disruptions matter now more than ever.

This administration is working to normalize the othering and hatred of trans people. In addition to stripping away our actual rights, this rhetoric is making the world a much more dangerous place for us.

Acts of care, no matter how small, mean a lot. You don’t have to get it exactly right—it’s about showing us that we are seen, valued, and supported in a world that is telling us otherwise. Over these next four years, remember that we are your family members, your friends, your neighbors, your essential workers, and so much more. Stand up for us when you can, and remind us we matter to you—not just this week, but for the long haul.